Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
