the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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