wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
