Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
