She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
