i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
