His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize