I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
