Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
