I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
