Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my poor anus
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
