We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
