I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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