apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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