I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
