Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
