I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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