I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
