Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
