I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
