Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
