my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
