I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize