its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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