it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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