Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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