you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
