how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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