I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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