70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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