we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
