omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
