I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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