I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
