I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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