you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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