Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize