I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
