Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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