apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
