I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize