Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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