Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
