I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
