It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
