I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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