saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize