That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
