My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
