remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
