I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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