I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
