Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize