I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
