I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
