Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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