I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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