you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
