she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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