Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is it fun? or sober?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize