I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
