Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
