There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
