So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize