Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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