THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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