WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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