just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
