my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
