great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
