I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
