pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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