i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
