Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
