Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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