dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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