My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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