Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Couch. On fire.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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