I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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