please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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