What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
