i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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