I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
