I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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