maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
