Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
