im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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