this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
