broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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